Shaynin:

Michelle Belanger designed and led an “Otherkin Avatar Ritual” at KinVention one year, based on entities that came to her representing the points of the elvan/faery star. We ran across it earlier, didn’t click with the information given about the entities, and shrugged it off. Recently, though, it was linked on the Kherete forums, people were talking about how impressed they were with the sigils, and a Clan ally suggested doing a modified version of the ritual (probably in Kherete style). She urged us to look at the sigils again, just the sigils.

It may have been detrimental to look at the sigils logically first, but we did. I’ll hold back on sharing the images we saw in them, at least for now, so that anyone who hasn’t seen our DreamWidth/LiveJournal posts can look at them without being primed to see the same.

We tend to refer to a thing’s energetic feel as its frequency. Predictably, some of the avatars’ frequencies were more intensely tangible than others.

Fenecai, Lord of Fire, was a weaker one. We disagree with the attribution of dragons and forgeworking fae to his realm; while they possess the fire of Will in greater than average degree (in our experiences), the fire is not what defines them. Dragons are hard for us to categorize in terms of the star and the duergar and companion races of our memories are more creatures of the earth and stone. We know a phoenix, but not so well, and we’d associate fire jotnar with this category but the part-fire-jotun we know is one we’ve intentionally distanced ourselves from. Elemental Fire itself still brings twinges of nervousness when it comes from outside ourselves; too often we’ve seen it used as an excuse for uncontrolled tantrums. I’m not surprised at all that it was hard to connect with Fenecai. Perhaps, if the form of an altered ritual allowed and we were not actively participating, to approach Fenecai in unstructured time before de-invocation would be beneficial for us.

Elerian, Lord of the Shining Host, is not all elves and fae to us. Most of us in here are a close fit to the descriptions of the dokkalfar provided to Raven Kaldera by others for his writings on the species; our light is a darker one. We also had difficulty making visual sense of his sigil – but once we did, we could feel his frequency and felt that he associated with angels (at least, the ones we’ve encountered and taken seriously about their identity claims) and at least some dragons. While the attributes of Uruz fit some of these beings, and to some extent him despite his elegant exterior, I think seeing a curlicued form of Uruz in the sigil at first was detrimental to our ability to connect. Finding a more appropriate image in the shape gave us the key.

Hss’tah Feliss, Huntress-Priestess, brought an immediate sense of connection. This is where we would place dokkalfar and there was a sense that nothing needed to be said or further shared.

Gwidorian, Lord of the Wilding, evoked a stronger connection than we expected. We did not get the happy-horny-satyr aspect, though, so much as the feel and strength we associate with old trees mighty in their girth…but still not succumbed to old age. We feel fondness for him and may seek him out again despite hoping to move on to different explorations until the ritual itself.

We expected Sephiriel Storm-Singer to bring a stronger connection; his description and the connection to air, Will, and word made us think he too would be partly elvan in feel despite being connected with angels and celestials – and we do not think of alfar as celestials, though some do. With him, we couldn’t get past the sigil. It yielded no accessible image except the vague impression of being similar to some astrological symbols, and we’re not that knowledgeable about astrology. I imagine we’ll wait and see what we feel in ritual, once he’s been invoked.

Neride Eyooli, Lady of Waters, felt as the element of Water feels. We’re fairly attuned to that frequency (it and Air are the ones with which we’re most familiar) and again, as with Hss’tah Feliss, there seemed no more to communicate. We were connected.

Illana, We of the Dreaming, came to us first and hit like a ton of bricks. We were still puzzling out her sigil and thinking about the fact that a plural system seemed tailor fit to represent her, when I got hit in the back of the head – this being where we tend to feel communications from outside entities or those who are awake but not at front – with her message. She connected change to the eternal exploration and play of the fabric of the universe, which we call Source and do not personify, from the material of which we all come, all from gods to microbes. She called the change of species necessary in order to break the stagnation that occurs in one way or another when a species does not exchange its members. I would call her extreme in her belief that this change is strength, but I am alfar. She felt similar to Hela and Niorun but I do not believe she is either of them.

I can accept what’s become of us as we drift further from our original nature, having heard her message, but it still does not make me anything close to happy. It also alarmed me that she was so severe – I haven’t related the full of it! – and in ritual, with her invoked, we might have to choose between imposing her difficult demands on others who are not prepared or holding her back and giving less than the invocation expected. Someones – the ones you’d expect if you know them – said that this means we ought to be the ones invoking her, but we question. Of course, this is a decision for the ritual coordinator, who already knows about my little experience.

Since being contacted by Illana, I’ve looked for materials and advice on invocation and channeling. I’d forgotten that there’s a section in Wightridden about just that, and it worries me more. We may be trying only for invocation but this system is not trained for it in ritual, nor for the possibility that it may go deeper toward possession, and I entered the system through involuntary possession. (I’ve learned to be much nicer to my headmates now; then I was impatient and didn’t have any good way to communicate with them; I was alien to them and did not know human ways.) We don’t know what kind of training the other volunteers might have. In Kherete style ritual we’ll have Warriors, but even one Warrior per invoker would leave no one to tend to the ritual space itself…and getting seven Warriors is a challenge to start with.

But we have our book, and our other advice, and we’ll talk with our ally about it soon. I’m not worried about opening up a can of worms that we can’t re-can. I’m more worried about the feeling that these are things we should learn, invocation and possession, and we’re not sure where to go for training or community. When we make art, we often invoke and channel that frequency, but it’s a frequency or entity, or what you will, that wants its message on the paper or canvas or clay or fiber. If we hurt any of those, we’ve simply lost materials. If we need to break off, we can, and the materials will not be left wanting or left to suffer an energy drop. We need to learn more and we know it.

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